Godless Grad Student

news and reflections from an active atheist and disabled graduate student

Posts Tagged ‘insecurities

about the time I planned a party and no one came

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I started grad school in 2003… or maybe it was 2002.  Regardless, I was pretty excited.  Since grad school is pretty intense, i really wanted to get to know my classmates.  I decided to throw a party at the end of the Spring semester.

My parents had recently constructed a beautiful house on the Potomac and it seemed like the perfect venue to be after months in the library at a time year when the weather was getting warmer and warmer every year.  It took a long time to convince my parents to let me have the party.  I wanted it to be amazing and I spent weeks preparing.  I made all the food, purchased plenty of beverages and I even bought a massive tent just in case it rained.  I was actually up the entire night before the party trying to get that stupid tent put together! 

When the party started, no one was there.  At first I thought people had gotten lost or were arriving fashionably late.  I was still smiling.  I kept waiting.  I carried the phone with me.  I checked my e-mail.  I continued to wait.  As I kept staring down the driveway looking for someone – anyone – day turned into night.  No one ever showed up.  Not one single person. 

I cried and cried and cried.  Now, over ten years later, I look back and I still cry.  At the time, it didn’t help that my father teased me about the lack of attendees.  If I had thrown the party at my house instead of theirs, I would have kept the day a secret.  The next day, my mother told me two people showed up and they had the date wrong; sometimes I think she just made that up to try to make me feel better. 

Written by godlessgradstudent

October 31, 2013 at 3:18 pm

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