Posts Tagged ‘insecurities’
I started grad school in 2003… or maybe it was 2002. Regardless, I was pretty excited. Since grad school is pretty intense, i really wanted to get to know my classmates. I decided to throw a party at the end of the Spring semester.
My parents had recently constructed a beautiful house on the Potomac and it seemed like the perfect venue to be after months in the library at a time year when the weather was getting warmer and warmer every year. It took a long time to convince my parents to let me have the party. I wanted it to be amazing and I spent weeks preparing. I made all the food, purchased plenty of beverages and I even bought a massive tent just in case it rained. I was actually up the entire night before the party trying to get that stupid tent put together!
When the party started, no one was there. At first I thought people had gotten lost or were arriving fashionably late. I was still smiling. I kept waiting. I carried the phone with me. I checked my e-mail. I continued to wait. As I kept staring down the driveway looking for someone – anyone – day turned into night. No one ever showed up. Not one single person.
I cried and cried and cried. Now, over ten years later, I look back and I still cry. At the time, it didn’t help that my father teased me about the lack of attendees. If I had thrown the party at my house instead of theirs, I would have kept the day a secret. The next day, my mother told me two people showed up and they had the date wrong; sometimes I think she just made that up to try to make me feel better.